Avid Russian enthusiast and literary genius seeks James Dean (or Franco) lookalike to traipse through New York City with dark clothing and a vintage single lens camera. B.A. from Ivy League school required, no business or science majors need apply. A Beauty and the Beast-style library with a plethora of dusty books is a big plus. If you meet the physical and educational requirements listed above and your idea of a perfect dinner is cheese and wine- you are hired! Contact email@example.com.
Exotic animal enthusiast and novice jigsaw puzzler seeks companion to share the 45 mins of free time she has a week. Ideal candidate enjoys browsing thrift stores for antique animal figurines, taking long walks through the Tenderloin, and scavenging through the piles of free stuff people leave on the sidewalk. Consumers of Swedish Fish are encouraged to apply, as are those who enjoy the occasional dish of ice cream. Must be an avid Foghorn reader, and must not be over 68 years old. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
Bookworm, sci-fi enthusiast and Star Wars fanatic seeks comic book lover of her dreams. Are you slightly overweight and bearded? Channeling essence of Silent Bob? You’re the man for me. Must prefer Marvel to DC, Star Wars to Star Trek. Have the inside scoop at Skywalker Ranch? You’re my man. Just looking for a man to talk “Walking Dead,” Nerf Herder, Wookies, Blade and super heroes with. Let’s be Jedis together. You love me? I know. Contact email@example.com.
I lead a terribly impressive life, you better be able to keep up. I enjoy climbing mountains, drinking copious amounts of coffee, finger-painting and long walks on the beach (but only at midnight). I like to hypothesize about how to solve the world’s problems; North Korea and global poverty are on the to do list this morning. Oh yeah, and when I am not single-handedly fighting global warming, I also enjoy defending small villages in West Africa and Southeast Asia from malaria by offering them a glass of water and some crayons. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
MISSED CONNECTION: Last Wednesday night around 7 p.m. you were on the Bill O’Reilly Show, passionately assailing the liberal media and its leftist rhetoric, and I was at home on the couch, crunching Doritos. You were wearing a black skirt that would make Sarah Palin jealous and I had on my Periodic Tables and Chairs T-shirt. You were making intense eye contact the entire time. It was a special moment; I hope somehow you felt it too. I’ve read all of your books and I completely agree liberals are assaulting America. Contact email@example.com.
SII nerd seeking shaggy-haired boy with artist’s soul to fetch libations, turn book pages and provide insightful and fulfilling conversations beneath shady trees. Willing to help me practice ballroom dancing. Perhaps the occasional stroll through Golden Gate park. Trekkies need not apply. Feel free to guiltlessly Facebook stalk me. Contat firstname.lastname@example.org.
Smart, sexy college student seeking someone to cuddle with. I like curly-haired girls with beautiful faces. Being smart and funny is a plus. I like to wine and dine so if you are looking to get spoiled I’m your man. I like sports and food so if you can cook then you’re perfect for me. And if you like sports and can down a beer than that’s a bonus. I’m just a man who wants a lady. Contact email@example.com
Closet geek seeks nerdy guy for late night D&D and LANs. Warcraft obsession a plus. Dungeon Masters preferred, must have own dice. Magic cards a necessity, must be willing to trade. n00bs need not apply. 1337 programming skills a plus. If you think Star Wars pwns Star Trek, you’re my man. Have Twitter? Tweet me: binaryis4lovers. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
I like girls who have a good sense of fashion and a good sense of humor, but there’s nothing sexier than a girl who can dance. If you can dance, it’s nearly impossible to be unattractive. My hobbies are going to clubs and being the center of attention, so I like girls who enjoy the spotlight as much as I do. If you’re a wall flower you’re not the girl for me. Contact email@example.com
Andro-boi seeking sleek, fast, sensitive automaton complete with external mother board design and oak wood finishing who loves glitching, thumping and oscillating. Recently heartbroken by a Roland so a Korg or a Moog would be ideal. Authentic tubular warmth is hard to come by these days unless you’re analog in which case, I’m interested. Must be compatible with giving and receiving. No rebooting, crashing or Smart Cards please. MIDI interface and 11 octave plus arpeggiators are always a plus. A major plus. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’ve been longing to meet my soulmate for so long, it’s like I already know him. In fact, I do. His eye color. His beliefs. His social security number… Babe, last night you were in my dreams. You were also in the Starbucks on Fulton , ordering a tall mocha without the whipped cream. You used the bathroom in the UC (you’re a middle-stall person too, huh?). You spat out your chewing gum outside Cowell (doublemint, I think, but the flavor’s mostly gone). And last night you left your window blinds open…yum. You know who you are. Make my dreams come true. Contact email@example.com.
@anygurl… like love at its best/ i seek nothing more than 140 characters or less/ a dtweet or a dm is more than enough/ i can’t say that i’m that buff/ or that i don’t live in front of my computer, month-after-month/ but come join me and follow my friends/ my name is michael and my twittername is @pacotacomike. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org
Last 5 posts by Foghorn Editorial Staff
- Staff Editorial: Trigger Warnings Threaten Academic Freedom - April 16th, 2014
- When Satire Creates Discourse, We Want in on the Conversation - April 10th, 2014
- W A N D E R L U S T: Campus Edition - April 3rd, 2014
- Staff Editorial: Staff Conspiracies - April 1st, 2014
- Staff Editorial: It May be Plastic, But It’s not Fantastic - March 20th, 2014