ChickFilCafBW

Bow Chicka Wow Wow!

Chick-fil-A Comes to Campus

USF says “yay” to Chick-fil-A! After the overwhelming success of the Bon Appetit boycott last November, it was decided that Chick-fil-A—the fried chicken, fast food chain, with strong Christian values—will be replacing the Market Café next school year.

Similar to the search for the next president, the decision on what to replace the university’s dining service was open to the students and the rest of the USF community. In the two campus-wide listening sessions, the audience was unanimous in requesting Chick-fil-A as the new food service company on campus.

“There’s nothing like fried chicken that gets me going during the day,” freshman Bruce Bogtrotter said,  raving about the final decision. “I have it for every meal, so I’m not even upset about my $4,000 meal plan anymore. I’d drop that cash on chicken any day.”

While many praised the company for it’s finger lickin’ good chicken, some believe that this is the university’s attempt at literally “changing the world from here.”  The chain has been known to be against gay rights, so USF may be trying to use their social justice values on the corporation.

Chick-fil-A has donated billions to anti-LGBT groups. CEO Dan Cathy has publicly said that he supports a traditional marriage between a man and woman, and that gay marriage is wrong.

“I’ve been hearing rumors that administration agreed to have Chick-fil-A on campus so that they can implement their own hidden agenda,” Carla Jung, a junior psychology major said. “If our passion for social justice doesn’t influence them, I heard the psychology department might use some psychological methods to change the way the companythinks about equal rights.”

Cathy will be speaking at the grand opening of Chick-fil-A at USF at the start of the 2014-2015 school year. The new university president will also be present to release the ceremonial chicken—blessed by a priest—and let it fly off after the ribbon outside of the dining commons has been cut.

Chick-fil-A, however, will not provide dining options for vegetarians, vegans, and those who eat gluten-free because they believe that those diets are wrong and are not stated in the Bible, so it’s not a real thing.

DISCLAIMER: This piece was printed as part of The Foghorn’s April Fool’s Day issue on April 1st, 2014. This article is intended to be satirical.

15 thoughts on “Bow Chicka Wow Wow!”

  1. Thank you, I have recently been searching for info approximately this topic for ages and yours is the best I’ve found out till now. But, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you certain in regards to the supply?|What i don’t realize is in fact how you are not actually much more well-favored than you might be right now. You’re very intelligent.

  2. You recognize therefore considerably in terms of this topic, made me individually believe it from so many numerous angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated except it’s something to do with Woman gaga! Your personal stuffs excellent. At all times take care of it up!

  3. Fantastic post, very informative. I wonder why the opposite experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should proceed your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers’ base already!|What’s Taking place i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It positively helpful and it has aided me out loads. I’m hoping to give a contribution & help different customers like its aided me. Good job.

  4. I have been surfing on-line greater than 3 hours today, but I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It’s lovely value enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the internet will be much more helpful than ever before.

  5. Hello There. I discovered your weblog the use of msn. That is an extremely well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to learn more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.

  6. Thanks for any other magnificent article. Where else may just anybody get that kind of info in such an ideal means of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such information.

  7. Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am inspired! Very helpful info particularly the closing phase :) I handle such information much. I was looking for this particular information for a very lengthy time. Thanks and best of luck.

  8. You can certainly see your skills in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  9. I don’t even understand how I stopped up here, however I thought this submit was good. I don’t realize who you might be but definitely you are going to a well-known blogger for those who are not already. Cheers!

  10. Its such as you learn my thoughts! You appear to understand so much approximately this, like you wrote the e-book in it or something. I feel that you simply could do with a few p.c. to power the message home a little bit, but instead of that, that is wonderful blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

  11. Normally I don’t read article on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, quite nice article.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>