The USF Philosophy Club has announced that it will be ceasing its weekly meetings indefinitely, due to a philosophical revelation experienced by club president Ulysses Major at last week’s meeting.
While re-evaluating the terms of Decartes’ famous “I think therefore I am” proposition, Major reasoned: “I don’t think, therefore I’m not.”
Since members changed their status of existence from “am” to “am not,” having weekly meetings no longer make sense.
DISCLAIMER: This piece was printed as part of The Foghorn’s April Fool’s Day issue on April 1st, 2014. This article is intended to be satirical.