USF to Close All Dorms in 2015

In Light of San Francisco’s Housing Crisis, USF Pushes Student Off-Campus

    Social justice was taken to a new level this past week when Father Privett announced plans to close USF dorms in the name of equality. With the housing shortage on campus at an all time high, many students are unable to secure campus housing, creating an issue of inequality amongst most first year and second year students.

Original plans were to build new dorms, but to keep with USF’s social justice mission and loss of parking spaces, Privett decided that closing all current dorms would be the most practical decision.

Students can now happily avoid the university’s housing shortage, by immersing themselves in the city’s full-fledged affordable housing crisis.

“We used to say change the world from here, but we want to encourage students to change the world from other places too,” said Privett, who has issued Student Senate the task of changing the schools tagline to “change the world from here .. and elsewhere.”

“We don’t want to imply that USF is the only place students can change the world from,” Privett said. “You can change the world from an apartment in the Tenderloin or city project housing. Closing the dorms and thereby forcing students to find alternative living will open them up to this possibility and help keep with USF’s commitment to equality for all… or I guess, in this case, for none,” he continued.

“This is a true exercise in social justice in a modern city,” said USF center for globalization worker Rachel Forent. “Students will no longer feel disconnected from the issues that are often at the forefront of class discussion like gentrification and rising rent costs, because they’ll be experiencing them first hand,” said Forent. “It is also an excellent way for freshman especially to explore the city.”

Sophomore criminal justice major Craigs Listworth agrees that forcing students to live outside campus will help build “street smarts,” but is curious as to why students still have to pay the $4,475 plus rate each semester for dorms.

Sarah Notsorry from One Stop Financial Services said the nearly $5,000 fee cannot be cut because doing so would “bring tuition cost down.”

Students needn’t worry about their former buildings and memories being torn down or re-utilized; utilities has already found ways to maximize space. “The former dorm halls will most likely be used for storage,” said USF head of campus utilities Mark Stawpit.

“[The dorm room closure] is more than just a functional way to maximize the use of three large buildings, but also a way for students to burst out of the USF bubble,” said Privett, who believes students should look at this as an opportunity to learn the realities of living in a city. “How often do USF students look for housing in the Tenderloin or outer Mission?”

At press time, university representatives were seen moving bean bags and hookah pipes into the residence halls.

DISCLAIMER: This piece was printed as part of The Foghorn’s April Fool’s Day issue on April 1st, 2014. This article is intended to be satirical.

126 thoughts on “USF to Close All Dorms in 2015”

  1. Now on stage at Meadow Brook Theatre is “Dracula: A Rock Opera” based on the novel by Bram Stoker. MBT has always had a reputation for fantastic staging, but this production takes the cake. Sets glide hither, thither and yon on a carousel blanketed by dense fog, while people fly across the stage like Mary Poppins on crack. Dark and sinister vampirettes crawl out from a bed mattress while a man is lying on it. This is Halloween entertainment to the max.

  2. The ambition to build China’s first joint venture specialized in making electric vehicles consolidated in 2010 as the two signed agreement to set up the 600 million yuan (US$95 million) joint venture. “We’re very pleased with progress on the development of the new all-electric car, and the DENZA brand really brings it to life,” Wang Chuanfu, Chairman and President of BYD, said today at the launching ceremony. “DENZA is on the right track to be a leader in the premium EV market in China.”

  3. I’m commenting to let you know of the really good encounter my wife’s girl had reading through your web site. She came to understand many details, which include how it is like to possess an awesome helping mindset to let many people easily know precisely some specialized issues. You actually exceeded our expectations. Thank you for supplying the beneficial, dependable, educational and in addition easy tips about this topic to Emily.
    Louis Vuitton Handbags http://www.sdhorseriding.com/ridlv.html

  4. access systems once deployed and maintained off premises. If the road construction crew down the street cuts the fiber main, you are incommunicado with your critical systems since SaaS is

  5. Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

  6. Coutures: Etudier la couture et les coutures pour le porte-monnaie mis aux ench猫res. Effectuer coutures r茅pondre 脿 partir de votre fa莽on unique 茅tant donn茅 que l’authentique connu? Est la couture proportionn茅 uniform茅ment couvrant le sac? Contre pas, selon toute probabilit茅, c’est vraiment un faux. [URL=http://www.brasserielarenaissance.com/images/vente.html]Nike Blazer[/URL] cadeaux de jardin peuvent 锚tre des dons plus pratiques, il est facile de donner, et ils seront grandement appr茅ci茅s. Il y aura un certain nombre de cat茅gories de cadeaux que vous pouvez 茅ventuellement choisir dans le cadre de vos magasins, au cas o霉 vous pouvez trouver quelque chose d’appropri茅 de vos magasins, cr茅er vos propres jardinage gift.Inexpensive cadeaux de jardin pour un 茅v茅nement de famille et les amis [URL=http://www.brasserielarenaissance.com/images/vente.html]Nike Blazer Pas Cher[/URL] Ratner: Drexler est vraiment un acteur / penseur n茅cessaire tout au long de la grande nanotechnologyndeed, il a invent茅 le terme. N茅anmoins tout le processus de la science est vraiment un onedeas normatifs sont propos茅s et test茅s, et pens茅, et modifi茅es. Je suis ce qui pourrait se passer avec tout le secteur de la fabrication nanobot / mol茅culaire. La discussion imprim茅 avec Rick Smalley, un ensemble avec les gens vraiment incisifs et visionnaire dans le jeu, 茅tait long pr茅cis茅ment ces concepts originaux lineshe pour la fabrication mol茅culaire avait une vision plus on avait de nombreux d茅fauts. Ceux qui pensent que vous 锚tes d茅termin茅 et r茅vis茅, parce qu’ils prouvent simplement 锚tre. [URL=http://www.brasserielarenaissance.com/images/vente.html]Nike Pas Cher[/URL] Autour du octobre [URL=http://www.brasserielarenaissance.com/images/vente.html]Chaussures Nike Pas Cher[/URL] Revenue Science Une application mis en service par un peu vos annonceurs de publicit茅s cibles appropri茅es pour vous en ligne avec les pages que vous pourriez avoir visit茅 l’int茅rieur de votre pass茅. Pour choisir d’utiliser ce type de type de ciblage ant茅c茅dents criminels v茅rifier assister au site Web 芦Vos choix en ligne de en cliquant ici. Provoqu茅e par la vibration constante de l’arbre de bague de r茅glage qui d茅tient palier d茅lai rapide et c么ne ne desserrer parfois, v茅rifiez cr茅er que la vis est serr茅e et il ya un au moins jouer. [URL=http://www.simavelec.fr/requin.html]Nike Pas Cher[/URL] Bient么t, elle a d茅couvert que les malheurs de la soci茅t茅 茅taient g茅n茅ralement malheurs de la famille et si la famille 茅tait notoirement dysfonctionnel. En ce qui concerne un grand drame sur votre monde de la mode et de la finance, les Guccis 茅taient difficiles 脿 battre. [URL=http://www.simavelec.fr/requin.html]Nike Tn Requin Pas Cher[/URL] post茅 par Idiopath 脿 01h41 le 8 Juillet 2009 [URL=http://www.simavelec.fr/requin.html]Nike Tn Pas Cher[/URL] Mzungu! Mzungu! Jeans? Vous devriez avoir jeans? J’ai jeans. Venez voir mes jeans.

  7. Rather than navigating the idiosyncrasies of leather watchstrap production, Everest relies upon industry-leading watchstrap manufacturers located around the globe. Everest selected these specialty manufacturers, as they create straps for likes of Omega, Panerai, and IWC. Watch companies, like Everest, would rather focus their efforts on the endlink rather than on the peculiarities of manufacturing leather straps. Everest straps are well stitched, well proportioned, and the leather looks flawless. Finishing off the strap is a removable buckle made from the same 316L surgical stainless steel and has the same Rolex brushed finish to match Rolex

  8. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.
    Cheap Jerseys Free Shipping

  9. Despite some signs that prices may be abating, housing is still out of reach for many first-time home buyers. One proposal that may gain currency at the meetings is a rise in the personal income tax threshold to put more money into the pockets of lower-income earners. The government is working to make people feel better about their lives, Premier Wen Jiabao said in an online chat on Sunday.

  10. で少量の例することができます 品質 なるように次のことができますあなたを助けるために、元のスタイルとのこれらの種類、これらのほとんど これらの多くは、通常アールな価格することができますしたがって そのさえ思わないの独自のものダメージ.

    [インテリア照明]/GARBO/テーブルスタンド/インターフォルム/LT-2044LB/モダン・ミッドセンチュリー·/とにかくおしゃれ☆[間接照明]商品名:品番:メーカー【インターフォルム社製】 GARBO (ガルボ) ライトブラウン色  商品データ★Φ12.8×H31cm★スチール・木・アルミ★中間スイッチ 0.7kg ★210cmコード ★E17/40W フロストミニ球付 メント ラッパ形の[url=http://www.ebizmom.info/item-japan-414]インテリア照明 GARBO テーブルスタンド インターフォルム LT-2044LB モダン・ミッドセンチュリー· とにかくおしゃれ 間接照明[/url]
    [Amalfi アマルフィ]1灯ペンダントライト/後藤照明/VERDE SERIES(GLF-3338)/グリーン/LED電球対応/インテリア照明/大正浪漫/レトロ/クラシック/アンティーク調/和風/和モダン/北欧/カフェ風/アジアン/日本製/照明[02P02Mar14][url=http://www.ebizmom.info/item-japan-814]Amalfi アマルフィ 1灯ペンダントライト 後藤照明 VERDE SERIES GLF-3338 グリーン LED電球対応 インテリア照明 大正浪漫 レトロ クラシック アンティーク調 和風 和モダン 北欧 カフェ風 アジアン 日本製 照明02P02Mar14[/url]
    [ASTRONAUTS:アストロノーツ]サイズ:S/フロアスタンド/北欧モダンインテリア/[インテリア照明][ホテルライク][デザイン照明][インテリア照明][間接照明][JK102S(MT3003S)][05P02Mar14]ASTRONAUTS:アストロノーツ size:s北欧風モダンスタイルフロアスタンド■上品に婉曲したデザイン。宇宙空間を浮遊するアストロノーツのように、優雅でゆったりとした雰囲気を醸し出�[url=http://www.ebizmom.info/item-japan-349]ASTRONAUTS アストロノーツ サイズ S フロアスタンド 北欧モダンインテリア インテリア照明 ホテルライク デザイン照明 インテリア照明 間接照明 JK102S MT3003S 05P02Mar14[/url]

    [url=http://www.millonarioo.com/vansportヴァンスポーツ-レースアップ-カジュアルトレッキングスニーカーmerrellメレル--jp-419.html]VANSPORT/ヴァンスポーツ レースアップ カジュアルトレッキングスニーカー/MERRELL(メレル), KEEN(キーン)好きに[トレッキングシューズ モックシューズ スニーカー ウォーキングシューズ カジュアルシューズ アウトドア][/url]
    [url=http://www.millonarioo.com/本革mi5001-5cmヒール-ベルトローファーローファーパンプスオフィス-リクルート-就職活動-就-jp-190.html][本革]MI5001 5cmヒール ベルトローファー/ローファーパンプス[オフィス リクルート 就職活動 就活 レディース 黒 ブラック フォーマル 靴 牛革 美脚 スリッポン ヒール5cm][/url]
    [url=http://www.millonarioo.com/本革のジョッキーブーツのような完全防水のレインブーツ!長靴-ヒール25cm-jp-167.html]本革のジョッキーブーツのような完全防水のレインブーツ![長靴 ヒール2.5cm][/url]
    [url=http://www.millonarioo.com/本革日本製refineリファイン-5cmヒール-サイドジップ-ウェッジソール-エアソールコンフォート-jp-182.html][本革日本製]refine/リファイン 5cmヒール サイドジップ ウェッジソール エアソールコンフォート ショートブーツ/カジュアルシューズ[ヒール5cm][/url]

    [url=http://www.nucuoicuabe.com/人気adidas-originalsadidas-js-camo-bear-iq20918eargr-jp-6932.html]adidas Originalsadidas JS CAMO BEAR IQ20918 EARGRN BLACK1 SHIOLI アディダスオリジナルス ジェレミースコット カモベア[/url]
    [url=http://www.nucuoicuabe.com/人気nike-af1-downtown-hi-lw-qs632360100whitewhiteナイキ-jp-7590.html]NIKE AF1 DOWNTOWN HI LW QS632360-100 WHITE WHITE ナイキ エア フォース 1 ダウンタウン ハイ LW クイックストライクス[/url]
    [url=http://www.nucuoicuabe.com/人気converse-cx250-su-ox1c1084blackコンバース-cx250-スウェード-jp-6980.html]CONVERSE CX-250 SU OX1C1084 BLACK コンバース CX-250 スウェードオックス[/url]
    [url=http://www.nucuoicuabe.com/人気vans-eravn0w3cdkhdenim-mixblackバンズ-エラ送料無料-jp-7910.html]VANS ERAVN-0W3CDKH Denim Mix BLACK バンズ エラ[/url]

    [url=http://www.earthfrnz.org/アイベーシック-アイデスカーゴドーム三輪車-ミッキーマウスレッド送料無料-jp-8199.html]アイベーシック アイデスカーゴドーム三輪車 ミッキーマウス レッド[/url]
    [url=http://www.earthfrnz.org/3年保証付-airbuggy-run-エアバギーランaribuggy-run-エアバギーRun3輪ベ-jp-6951.html]AirBuggy RUN エアバギーラン aribuggy run エアバギーRUN 3輪ベビーカー ジョギングバギー ネイビー[/url]
    [url=http://www.earthfrnz.org/正規輸入品·国内保証-baby-bjorn-ベビービョルン-ベビーキャリア-オリジナルメッシュグレー-jp-8083.html]Baby Bjorn ベビービョルン ベビーキャリア オリジナル メッシュグレー ホワイト 029010 抱っこ紐 おんぶ紐[/url]

    [url=http://www.livingfrench.net/レッドウィング-エンジニアブーツ-エンジニアブーツ-レッドウィング-正規品Red-wing-2268-jp-7539.html]レッドウィング エンジニアブーツ エンジニアブーツ レッドウィング 正規品RED WING 2268 黒 レッドウイング レッドウィング boots [102-T17tlrnd ][/url]
    [url=http://www.livingfrench.net/インディアンスニーカー-メンズ-レディース-クロッグサンダル-indian-id1270-インディア-jp-7059.html]インディアンスニーカー メンズ レディース クロッグサンダル Indian [ID-1270] インディアンモトサイクル サンダル clog sandal [MIMI-08nvc ][/url]
    [url=http://www.livingfrench.net/即納-ビジネスシューズ-本革-メンズ-bee-be556プレーントゥbe557uチップ-ブラック-4-jp-7471.html][即納 ]ビジネスシューズ 本革 メンズ Bee [BE556-プレーントゥ/BE557-Uチップ ] ブラック 4E 天然皮革 Bee by madras 撥水仕様/超軽量/エアー循環/通気性/幅広/黒 men’s business shoes [MFMF-21nhhd ][/url]

    [url=http://www.pix-asia.com/jasmb-ジャスエムビーショルダーバッグmedium-postcrack-black-jp-7577.html]JASMB ジャスエムビーショルダーバッグMEDIUM POSTCRACK BLACK[/url]
    [url=http://www.pix-asia.com/billabong-新品ビラボン-2014ssモデルメンズ-半袖-Tシャツae011292-jp-7002.html]BILLABONG 新品ビラボン 2014SSモデル/メンズ 半袖 Tシャツ[/url]
    [url=http://www.pix-asia.com/rvca-新品ルーカ 2014ssモデルsunnyside-tシャツ-ae041304-jp-7182.html]RVCA 新品ルーカ 2014SSモデル/SUNNYSIDE Tシャツ AE041304[/url]

    [url=http://www.ectoplasme.info/人気激安価額オークリー-メガネフレーム-transistor-fr-22148-送料無料-jp-7434.html]オークリー メガネフレーム TRANSISTOR FR 22-148[/url]
    [url=http://www.ectoplasme.info/人気激安価額レイバン-サングラス-ウェイファーラー-rb2140a-10013fブラック-オン-アズ-jp-7642.html]レイバン サングラス ウェイファーラー RB2140A 1001/3Fブラック オン アズールブルー グラディエントブルー[/url]
    [url=http://www.ectoplasme.info/人気激安価額レイバン-サングラス-rb2140-902送料無料-jp-7524.html]レイバン サングラス RB2140 902[/url]
    [url=http://www.ectoplasme.info/人気激安価額レイバン-サングラス-ウェイファーラー-rb2140-90251トータス-フェイデッドブ-jp-7605.html]レイバン サングラス ウェイファーラー RB2140 902/51トータス フェイデッドブラウン[/url]

  11. Don’t use [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1071]Oculos Ray Ban Feminino 4101[/url] soaps which are harsh, go for

    Don’t use soaps which are harsh, go for mild aloe vera soap and pat your skin dry. Do not scratch the skin because rubbing may cause [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1074]Ray Ban 4101 Havana[/url] you infection, which could result to some other skin conditions.Sunglasses are staple protective wear for people who plan to spend a long time outdoors. And wedding ceremonies may take long even if they’re held in open locations, such as natural forests and private beaches.By its until midnight 1970s, the style family home turned out to be precariously just about case of bankruptcy. One with often the friends, Maurizio Gucci, in due course made our fighting business enterprise to assist you to Investcorp, a good controlling manufacturer, from 1993.

    Make guaranteed items operate as they usually do. Do not cancel any typical providers you typically use.All of these colors are normal and [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1073]Gafas Ray Ban 4101[/url] will eventually do not ever walk out manner.A number of Ray Ban Sunglasses varieties of Burberry sun glasses are usually especially ordered with regard to their stability.Even though there are lots of others, never [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1069]Rayban 4101 Fiyatı[/url] forget to be judicious at the time of selection.You’ll be able to furthermore place ones search with keyword phrases like sunglasses sale designer price cut sunglasses, and so on. This could produce you listing of all web sites with features on sunglasses.If you display these in check out counters, your shoppers can begin wearing them while waiting for their turn and include it in their purchase which means added revenue.

    The Spektrax convertible is yet another extremely well-liked pair of sunglasses/goggles to wear whilst riding which consists of a carry pouch, sunglass arms, adjustable strap, Ray Ban Sunglasses soft belt case, prescription lens insert, and easy to change lens. Lens colors contain smoke, amber, and clear, which can be worn for daytime and nighttime riding.While some of them can afford the luxury of going in for the latest Cartier watch, most of them prefer not to waste their Ray Ban Sunglasses money. They are happy to go [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1070]Rayban 4101 Fiyatları[/url] in for watches that will both perform like the real one and yet not burn a hole in their pockets while they purchase them.In order to prevent legal problems, study. to grasp in the event your suggested filming section is sweet to go, lawfully talking.

    Incorporate some foolish objects like oversized sunglasses, garden gloves or a flannel nightgown just to make it exciting. This is a photo opportunity, so be positive anyone is waiting to file the stop result!Ugg Boots Sale Are Durable To WearThey have a great deal more visible [url=http://www.hannawinery.com/listinfo.php?pid=1072]Ray Ban 4101 Grau[/url] than other eye colors (perhaps the sole exception to the black eyes.That business Versace its own matters assurances revolutionary create, substantial level of quality, and sophisticated models. All the Versace series may be for people that prefer to state potency and efficacy, self confidence together with novel idea by way of a exciting and then distinct special form.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>