Major national sororities and fraternities have announced today that they are looking to evolve their recruitment process and replace “hazing” with “praising.”
“We used to get the new pledges to set their clothing on fire or run their tongue along a blazing hot iron, but now we just tell them how pretty they are. It has really improved morale,” said Ivanka Caviarlump of Kappa Alpha Theta.
Other Greeks were also surprised at how well rush week was going now that they’ve started treating their new organization members with respect and compliments.
“It’s been really eye-opening. I think we all learned a lesson here today,” said Brian Abro, a Phi Delta Theta member who was part of the historical rush week that experimented with replacing hazing with praising.
Hazing is the practice of humiliating and ridiculing new sorority or fraternity members to make sure they are dedicated to the organization. Praising is telling people how pretty their hair looks.
DISCLAIMER: This piece was printed as part of The Foghorn’s April Fool’s Day issue on April 1st, 2014. This article is intended to be satirical.